diVine shadOw :: saVe mE fRom tHe darKnesS..

Monday, January 31, 2005

"the clock is ticking away.. i'm out of breath.. i can see the light at the end of the tunnel.. seems so near and yet, so far.. i swear i can reach it if i just stretched my hand.. hmmm... slowly but surely.. its coming.."

yeah.. that's another description on how i'm feeling.. but not for the wrong reasons okay??.. i'm alright.. its just.. hmm.. let me put it this way.. you ever get the feeling of being at the edge of the world.. when all you wanna do is let go of everything.. like when you have a big misunderstnading with your significant other, that you just feel so bad, you've been rotten for weeks.. and then suddenly, you realise that everything is going to be better.. even when you really thought that it would be impossible.. yeah, i'm happy now.. =p

this morning i got a message.. a message from my baby.. a message that i'm so happy to read, so happy that i forgot that my hands were slobbered in white paint and quickly pressed the buttons on my phone to reply.. a message that said that she was touched by what i wrote here.. in a way, a sense of accomplishment waved through me.. indeed, i had started writing these messages with the primary reason that i wanted her to read and realise how much i really love and care for her..

yeah, i know.. some of you might just say.. "why don't you just give her a ring and tell her straight that you're hurting??.. i mean, its the obvious thing to do!! c'mon!!" haha.. the main reason is that, yes, i'm afraid.. thoughts must be like creeping into your head saying.. wimp.. don't even dare to stand up to your girlfriend.. but its not true.. its just my nature that i don't argue.. i don't like confrontations and the even more i care for that person, the even more i don't wanna hurt and make them feel bad.. so thats me.. i can't do it...

there were a couple of people who really came to me and gave me their opinions and opended their ears.. some who even related their experiences.. something i thought that was really noble and brave.. to tell someone about your problems in your relationship so that i could mend mine.. and to them, i thank you so so MUCH!!! you know who you are and you should be proud of yourselves.. *i promise you presents* hehe..

in a way, it also opened up my eyes.. i really realised that i do have a bunch of great friends.. i really now think of them as my family.. my brothers and sisters.. lurve you guys so much.. one of them was JL. (let's just call her JL.. hehe.. you know who you are k?.. =p ) she was there to really console me.. my secrets that i have never told ANYONE, i told to her that night.. to be honest, i was actually going to go through another typical day of my life.. you know.. boring, secretive, with a big smiley-face mask on my face.. but she opened me up.. had me vent everything out, all the compressed emotions.. and she was really so understanding.. and i'm till now so grateful to have a friend like you.. i think i never appreciated you as well as a lot of my other friends in the past.. but since the exams have been over, i've been kinda ignored by a lot of other friends.. and its only now that i can filter out who's the true friends.. the ones whom you know will be there through the thick and thin forever.. and JL, you're certainly one of them yeah?.. hehe.. the 'komunis' of 5sc3, zero, 008, aaron and most recently, Gin.. you're all my real pals.. and honestly, i hope to be one of yours too.. *wink*

i started up the computer at around 11pm again.. and thought that i didn't wanna write anything for today.. but i realised that i really had to make a formal note of appreciation to these real life heroes of mine.. i seriously don't know what to do without you in my life.. and by the way, if i missed your name in the thx above, i'm sorry.. hehe.. but if you really think that you are my pal for life, tell me yeah.. i wouldn't wanna lose you!.. =)

so i'm ending the post today with a gigantic THANK YOU to those who've lent me their support.. (i know i'm thanking too much.. but thats just how appreciative i am.. hehe) and baby?.. i didn't mean for all those emotions to be public okay?.. i just wanted you to know without the hassle of arguing and fighting.. which is something that maybe can't be avoided at some point, but as long as we can escape the unhappiness of arguing, we might as well keep this up okay?.. muaks!

okay den.. don't wanna drag too long and become cheong hei.. hehe.. goodnite and goodbye to my lousy life.. a new page is waiting to be read.. =p

divinition slips into the oblivion.. 2:40:00 am

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